Losing my dad to cancer
Losing a parent or any loved one early in life has a very profound impact on a person’s growth, character, and view of life. I understand this reality very well. I lost my father to cancer just two weeks before my high school graduation.
I must admit that it still guts me to this day that my father never got to see his two sons graduate and take that next big step in life as they transition into adulthood.
For him, attending my graduation would have been a perfect gift. It would have been the gift of reassurance – the reassurance that I was fully prepared for adulthood and ready to shoulder the responsibilities of helping to take care of the family, even if he was no longer there, even though deep down at that time, I felt overwhelmed, confused and lost.
But then again, life is a process of continuous learning and growth. When are we truly ever ready? We live and learn as we go along on our paths.
I vividly remember the day when my father called me to his bedside and asked me to promise that I would take great care of my mom when he was no longer there. I was speechless. Overwhelmed by grief, I just hid at the side of his bed and cried. I felt deeply torn, powerless, and angry at my father for even thinking about giving up hope and leaving us behind.
Reflecting on that time, I wish I had been brave enough to confront the painful reality of my father when the doctors told us he only had about a year left to live and to reassure him that everything would be fine. I wished I could have said to him that my brother, sister, and I would thrive, and would look after Mom when he was gone.
Life is very fragile and short. We only have a finite time in this world. Ironically, the very presence of death – often a source of fear and suffering, is also what brings deep meaning and beauty to life. It’s this inescapable reality that makes our moments precious and experiences deeply significant.
There is a bittersweetness whenever I look back at the cherished memories I have of my father. Yet despite this bittersweetness, I feel a deep sense of empowerment. It’s like a radiant, warm, and powerful light that courses throughout my body, providing me the strength and resilience to tackle and triumph over any challenge in life.
Although my father’s no longer around, he continues to inspire me to this day.
That’s what adversity taught me; there’s nothing in life we can’t achieve if we put our mind, heart, and effort into it.
My father was a complex man, shaped by his past hardships and traumas. He left home in his early 20s to serve as a squad leader in the Vietnamese military during the war against the Khmer Rouge in the Cambodian Genocide.
Tormented by the traumas of wars, poverty, and loss, that they survived in their childhood and youth, my father and mother often spoke about how fortunate they were to have made it out alive during the Vietnam War and the Cambodian Genocide, where over two million lives were swept away in a tide of brutality.
Fleeing in Canada on a boat was extremely dangerous. My mother often spoke about the gut-wrenching fear and anxiety of being stranded out in the middle of the ocean for months, and the fear of being caught by pirates lurking was a very high risk. Unfortunately, this was the terrifying reality of so many so-called ‘Boat People’ during and after the wars.
Whenever my mom shares with me her recollections of her childhood and youth, I can’t help but feel heartbroken for the tough life that she endured and grateful for the opportunities I have. To this day, I can see the influence of her upbringing in the way that she would worry when my siblings and I got sick, always reminding us to take care of our health, visit the doctor when unwell, and make sure we’ve eaten all our meals.
My dad was the hardest-working person in my life that I knew. Despite all his hardships and shortcomings, he worked tirelessly every day without ever taking a day off to provide for our family. At times, but also in hindsight, I wish I had pushed him more to take his time off work to prioritize his health and enjoy life more.
Both my father and mother strove every single day of their lives to ensure that my siblings and I had what we needed to thrive despite our very limited resources. They sacrificed a lot to ensure that we wouldn’t fall behind in life.
Through both the good and the bad, I’ve learned many invaluable lessons from my father. His resilience and perseverance, his firmness, along his witty sense of humor taught me to confront hardship and adversities with empathy, optimism, and determination.
However, there were times when I found myself wondering how different life would’ve been if my father were still alive. Would I have still ended up in psychology and urban planning? Or would I have become a police officer like I dreamt of during middle school?
One of my fears is that my memories of my father will eventually begin to fade with time one day. When I have this thought, I cannot help but start reflecting on my life and the legacy I wish to create. What values do I want to live by? And what type of person do I want to be remembered as?
The biggest lesson I learned from my youth is that life is fragile and short. We can never be certain what the future holds. The COVID-19 pandemic was a perfect exemplification of this.
The only time when we truly exist is within the present. Hence, it’s important for us to remind ourselves daily to not get too caught up in over-stressing about the future or obsessing over past decisions.
Being present is like a superpower. Although planning for the future is important, it’s only in the present moment that we plant and water the seeds for the future we aspire to.
My little pup, Momo, perfectly embodies the meaning of living in the present moment. She’s a master at it; all dogs are. They live wholeheartedly each day, with a sense of purpose, playing and living each day to the fullest while never forgetting to shower their loved ones with an abundance of affection and love. Momo’s precious presence reminds me every day what it means to live in the present.
I am grateful for all my experiences in life. They inspire me to live wholeheartedly every day. There’s a saying that “every day of our life is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present”. That can’t be any truer.
As I finish typing up this, I encourage you to reflect on your journey in life. Looking at both the good and bad, without judgment. Cherish each moment of your journey and strive to live true to your principles, values, and self. Practice gratitude regularly. Express your appreciation to all those who have loved and supported you throughout your incredible journey so far – remember that includes yourself as well! Never forget to be your own greatest supporter!
Thank you for taking some of your time in listening to my story. Wishing you an abundance of happiness, strength, and peace on your journey in life. Take care.
TRAN NGUYEN 